Monday, August 31, 2009

Words you can't take back

Eric and I when we eloped. Yes, I thought I was super cool with my sunglasses on. I was a naive 22 year old. Leave me alone. (But look at how young Eric looks!)

Our vow before God, family and friends. Forever.

I'm sitting here watching MTV's True Life. I'm on my second one tonight and both have the same theme. Marriage. If you know me, you know that I'm a very over analytical person and that I look at things from all sides of the spectrum. These shows are making my brain hurt.

The first one was called "I'm Eloping." Well, if you know Eric and I, then you know that we got married after three and a half months of dating. Yes, three and a half months. Not three and a half years, MONTHS. We got engaged two and a half months. And we've been married for over four years now. Many thought we were crazy, our parents thought I had gotten pregnant, and our friends thought we were rushing into things way too fast. We didn't. Eric had just enlisted in the Army for active duty and he moved to Louisiana a month after we started dating. Before he left we threw the idea of marriage around, but we didn't really talk about until he had moved down there and we were missing each other like crazy. He even tried to break up with me once. If you know me, then you know that I didn't allow it. It was influenced by two of his buddies that had very disfunctional relationships and thought that women were the spawn of the devil. They convinced Eric that I was back in Minnesota running around and sleeping with every guy I met. HA. I was proposed to in a Days Inn in Leesville, Louisiana. Romantic. The sad thing was, I was scared of telling my dad that we had gotten engaged. Do you know what his response was? "I'm happy for you, but you know that the key to a lasting relationship is a long engagement." Crap. I was flying down to Louisiana in four weeks to elope. Crap. Crap. Crap. I felt like such a horrible daughter. It took me a week to work up the nerve to tell him. And he took it surprisingly well. He was sad that he wasn't there for the actual day, but he got to walk me down the aisle a year later when Eric and I had our Blessed Ceremony. It wasn't the wedding of my dreams, but I got to marry an amazing guy who gave me the most precious gift I could have asked for, our daughter. Sure we have our ups and downs, but I have to say that I think we have a very stable relationship. We squabble, but we never do it in front of Brooke and we always try our hardest to work it out. Brooke doesn't need to hear mommy and daddy fighting, it's not good for her psyche and I don't think that she needs to be surrounded my negative energy.

So that brings me to the second True Life, "I'm Getting Divorced." I feel like the "D" word gets flung around way too much. Couples fling it around in the heat of the moment, but to me, those words are very serious. I told Eric when we got married that if he every told me he wanted a divorce, there was no taking it back. To me, we made vows. We made vows before God. We made vows to our family. We made vows to each other. Those vows are very serious promises. And the word "divorce" is a very serious word. To me at least. I know some of you may be thinking that I may seem a little ridiculous, but I have seen so many couple fling that word around like it has no meaning. One minute they're happy, the next one of them says they want a divorce, then they make up, then the other gets mad and says that THEY want a divorce. Nuh-uh. The word is being used way to casually for my taste.

Even though Eric and I got married so quick, we just knew. We each knew that the other was the right one. We knew that the other was going to be there for the rest of our lives. We knew that we would fight, but we knew that we would love. We knew that we'd raise a family and support each other no matter what each other did. We knew that our love was forever and there was not going back.

So what's the point in this post? It's this. Marriage is a promise to one another. People need to start being more aware of the words they throw at one another. They need to stop taking the "D" word so casually. Especially if you have children. What do you think your children are going through? Do you not think that they are being affected by all this? One of their parents is constantly in and out of their lives. They feel the negative energy radiating from both of their parents. It affects them more than you realize. So please, when you're feeling overwhelmed, take a deep breath and count to ten. Think about what you're going to say before you say something that may change the course of your life forever.

1 comment:

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